Happy New Moon, everyone! 🌑
Here’s the latest installment of Messages from the Cosmos! 💫
This channeled, free-written piece is titled ‘I Am Home,’ and it was written during a grief workshop at Crescent Hudson Valley.
The goal was to use the process of writing to connect more deeply to feelings of grief within us that we hadn’t fully explored. My initial reason for attending the class was that my partner at the time and I had recently decided to end our romantic relationship, and I felt this process could help me to “get over it.”
But, as the workshop progressed, I slowly realized there were much deeper issues going on within my heart than merely “getting over” a breakup.
Turns out that when a serious romantic relationship ends, the pain that comes with it is usually about so much more than just the breakup. It’s actually often about the pain that comes from feeling you have no home to turn to.
As I wrote, I was connecting with this younger version of myself I call ‘The Bard.’ She feels things deeply, and is a very tender and creative soul who is terrified that no one deeply sees her for who she truly is.
Sadly, she was never able to feel at home in her household growing up, because there was some much chaos and abuse. So, she tried to find Home in other (unhelpful) ways.
This teenage version of myself felt so scared and alone and misunderstood, and (understandably) the only solution she could come to was that a romantic relationship would finally make her feel as if she were “Home.”
Unfortunately, things did not go as planned, and she felt trapped and unseen and all of the intense pain from the chaos of her childhood and the breakup came uncontrollably crashing down upon her.
At that intensely vulnerable time in my life, I didn’t have any of the emotional regulation tools that an emotionally healthy adult has, so I genuinely thought to myself well, what other option do I have to get rid of this unbearable pain besides taking an obscene amount of sleeping pills and hoping I don’t wake up?
In that moment, I sincerely felt I had no other options and no one to turn to for support. It was a deeply sad moment in my life.
So, that’s what I wrote about.
Now, as a 39 year-old-woman who has invested so much time and energy into helping myself heal, and peel back the layers, and connect with my most powerful, higher self, I realize that trying to find “Home” in someone else was missing the mark.
Home has been within me all along; I am my own home.
As is the convention for Messages from the Cosmos pieces, this was a free-written piece that was channeled in the moment, my pen never leaving the paper, never once stopping to correct a “mistake.” The piece is meant to be shared and read aloud, rather than read silently as text, so I’m sharing it here in video format.
🌲 🪶 🕊️ 🌸 🌈 🌀 🌊 🐚 💫 ☀️ 🪻 💖 🪷 🧚 🌷 🌼 🌻 🍄 🌱 🌿 🪵 🐋 🕸️ ✨
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